


Coffeestuck

by incendiarydissension



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-21 02:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incendiarydissension/pseuds/incendiarydissension
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan and Rose spar in a coffee shop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffeestuck

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Coffeeshop Soundtrack](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/25101) by ELR Voiceacting. 



> What the hell is a summary and how do I do the "good title" thing  
> So totalspiffage, everyonelovesrobots, fadeintocase, and blinkyxx did an au voice acting thing based off of fanart, and in order to practice my writing skills, I did a fanfiction based off the au based off the fanart. Basically, all the dialogue belongs to them. Not me. Them.

As usual, the coffee shop was warm, muted, and filled with the low murmur of dozens of conversations. The bitter scent of coffee permeated the air, mixed with the smell of fresh baked goods. It was busy, but not overly crowded, and the line at the front had dwindled and vanished as the initial noon rush passed. At the front, Dave Strider hovered over the counter, ready to receive the next customers, as Karkat Vantas glared at the people in the shop with his fists clenched against the marble.

“Dude, is your sister just gonna sit there all day again?”

Both of their gazes moved to the customer sitting at the table directly in front of the counter. Karkat’s scowl deepened as he stared at Rose Lalonde’s graceful figure. Deep in thought with a pen in her teeth, she was the very image of studious. A row of pens and pencils sat to her left and a notepad to her right.

Dave turned to his coworker, leaning on the counter carelessly. “She’s here literally every day, man.”

“She’s hogging the Wifi and valuable table space. What if our paying customers actually want to use the services we provide for their fucking convenience-”

“Inside voices, assbutt. Also, I doubt Bro gives a damn about her using the Wifi.”

Karkat pushed himself off of the counter and stood to his full height. “Say that again, I dare you!” He leaned into Dave’s face aggressively, jabbing a finger into his chest. “No, I double dare you, motherfucker. Call me that one more goddamn time!”

Taking his weight off of his hand, Dave cocked his head with a smug grin on his face. “Did you just quote the almighty Samuel L. Jackson at me?”

“M-maybe-”

“You watched Pulp Fiction last night, didn’t you?”

He crossed his arms as Karkat sheepishly avoided his eyes. “Maybe.”

“Well hey.” Dave slapped a hand on Karkat’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you for watching something that’s not a shitty romcom for once. If you’re becoming a real man, you have to go through some ritualistic coming-of-age ceremony or something. I’ll probably cry.” He pretended to wipe his eyes, but the effect was somewhat dampened when he knocked his sunglasses sideways. Karkat rolled his eyes and shrugged off the hand on his shoulder. “Quiet the fuck down. You know Gamzee is here, right? I don’t want his getting any ideas. I swear, if I wake up with some skulltastic Dia del Morte tattoo on my back, I’m blaming you.” He crossed his arms and turned away.

Dave leaned onto the counter again, positioning himself so that he leaned to the side of Karkat’s short frame. “I think a tramp stamp would look good on you, hot stuff.” He raised an eyebrow appealingly.

“Fuck you-”

His retort was cut short by the dinging of the door as it opened and a tall figure strode in. Looking impressively around with one arm folded across his chest, Eridan Ampora surveyed the room. He cradled a large pile of paper against his shirt. As his eyes fell on Rose, his grip on the coffee he held in his right hand tightened almost imperceptibly.

“Oh, sweet nook-punting Christ- another pretentious asshole in my immediate vicinity. Just what I fucking wanted.” Slamming his hand on the counter, Karkat stared angrily in the newcomer’s direction. 

“Well if it isn’t my sister’s extraordinarily gifted editor, gracing us with his presence,” Dave muttered, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

“Hey Eridan… how about you not bring a different store’s coffee into ours?”

“Not now, assbutt- I’ve got business to attend to.” Eridan began to walk towards Rose, who continued typing as though she didn’t notice the commotion.

Karkat’s eyes widened as he threw his hands in the air angrily. “The fuck is it with these stupid fucking insults?” His voice faded as he stormed away, Dave laughing to his back. 

“Ha ha!” he cackled triumphantly, and gave Eridan a sly thumbs up.

However, the recipient of Dave’s approval barely returned the enthusiasm, instead approaching Rose aggressively.

“Lalonde,” he said, and demandingly planted himself directly next to her. She continued typing, not moving an inch.

He cleared his throat several times, unsuccessfully. Only when he slammed the papers in his hand down on the little table did she look up, not taking her hands off of the keyboard.

“Oh. Hello, Eridan.” She paused and looked him up and down, raising a disdaining eyebrow, until her eyes traveled back up to his glowering face. “I didn’t see you there. I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long…” He pursed his lips at her biting sarcasm.

“Oh, no. No, no. No problem at all. Just, um… do you mind explaining me a thing?” He raised his voice at the last few words, and the people at the next table stopped talking and looked at him.

“Obviously someone’s grammar needs some assistance,” she said wryly. His knuckles whitened around his coffee. “And I call you my editor. What can I explain to you today?”

“Well, first off… what the fuck is this?” Rose’s eyes moved from his face down to his finger, which was now pointing at one of the slightly crumpled sheets of paper that rested on the table. Then she looked back at her computer screen. “Obviously your brain is severely addled today, Ampora. You see, the pile of papers that you just threw down on the table and are now indicating with a perplexed expression is what we call a ‘draft’. I usually provide them to my-” She turned to him again, smiling in a way that was almost innocent, “-questionably competent editors for reviewing.”

“Oh, shut up. You know what I’m talking about,” he snapped. 

“I take it you’ve met my newest addition to my cast of characters for the book.”

“Yes.” His tone had turned from forcibly polite to cold and sharp. He loomed over her, but she still somehow succeeded in sitting straight up as though he wasn’t there. “What the hell, Lalonde?”

She turned in her chair, finally taking her hands off of the keyboard to fold them across her chest. “I would have thought you’d take a liking to him. Seeing as you clearly adore yourself so much.”

“What gave you the bright idea to base a character off of me?” 

Rose glared at Dave, who was covering his mouth with suppressed glee.

“I tend to take people I find… intriguing, and capture their essence in writing. I find it to be… cathartic in ways.”

“Are you saying that you find me intriguing, or that you just enjoy making fun of me?” he demanded.

Rose’s eyes moved from him to the counter as Karkat slowly crept back towards Dave. He innocently turned a discreet eye towards their conversation as Dave began speaking rapidly into his ear. A corner of Rose’s mouth lifted as she turned back to Eridan. “Clearly the latter.”

He drew himself up, tossing his scarf over his shoulder dramatically. Rose rolled her eyes.

“But I’m not even magical at all! What gives?”

“I thought you didn’t like magic! You’re always complaining that my works aren’t-” She framed her words with scathing finger-quotes- “‘realistic’ enough.”

“Well, i-it’s not. It doesn’t provide sufficient immersion for a reader.”

“Need I remind you that fantasy is my chosen genre, Ampora- I know you’re new to fiction editing. What was it you used to do? History?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, leaning over the table again. “Primarily historical famous monarchy lines, yeah. What of it?”

“Perhaps I should start calling you Prince Ampora.”

He groaned as she chuckled and draped her arm over the chair.

“You’re getting a great deal of enjoyment by mocking me, aren’t you,” he sighed, shooting a glare over his shoulder as Dave snorted.

“You know, you’re actually quite handsome when you’re annoyed.”

“I- I- uh…” 

He took his hand off of the table as though the polished wood had burned him.

“You know I could buy this store four times over, right?”

There was an audible _pfff_ from behind the counter. Eridan ignored the disdain coming from behind them and straightened, looking pompous. “Then you wouldn’t have a place to write.”

“I’m not sure that my brother, for one, would be very pleased with that scenario.”

“Yeah- no, that would suck. Let’s not do that,” Dave piped up.

Eridan spun on his heel, facing the counter. He pointed the hand still holding his coffee into Dave’s face. “Well then, I think it’s in your best interest, Strider, for your sister to keep her juvenile behavior to herself.”

Dave pretended to gag, sticking a finger into his throat. “This is getting too gushy.” He clutched his stomach dramatically. “Be right back. I’ve gotta vomit.”

“Don’t be so fucking gross.” Karkat angrily shoved a styrofoam cup underneath the smoothie machine, banging on it furiously when nothing came out. 

Their arguing continued, growing in volume as Eridan turned back to Rose. “I take it back. Your brother seems more grotesque than you when it comes to language skills.”

She looked at him skeptically. “There’s a reason I’m the writer in the family.”

He turned back to the counter. “Hey, Strider! How’s the webcomic?” he called. Dave stopped threatening Karkat and looked back at him, releasing his grip on the front of his shirt.

“Swiggity swoff, why don’t you go fuck off?” he retorted. 

“Yeah, he doesn’t have the forte to craft an actual insult… unlike Kar,” Eridan scoffed. Karkat turned to him in surprise. “Was that a compliment, or…”

“…regardless, I think perhaps whatever quarrel you have should be between us, shouldn’t it?” Rose had gone back to staring at her computer screen, not even sparing them a glance as she talked. 

“Well, what I want to know is- how are you going to fix this blight of a character?”

Rose turned again, opening up more now that she could talk about her story. “Well, although he’s a non-magic user, he still brings his own skills to the table. At first glance, you seem to have cast him off as useless, while in the future you’ll find he brings immense military experience to the wizards who are-” she smiled at his flustered expression- “mostly tactless when it comes to planning anything. He’s fierce in his opinions and he’s actually a very well-rounded character.”

He began to nod.

“Despite being belligerent, annoying… and devastatingly handsome.”

“Well that’s all well and good, but I- I-” Suddenly he began to blink rapidly as her words sank in. Rose studied him, smiling serenely as a blush crept across his face.

“Wait… what?”

Dave and Karkat elbowed each other frantically behind the counter as Rose laughed lightly. “I believe you heard me the first time.”

“I-uh, well maybe you’re pretty good looking yourself.”

“Well, maybe I wouldn’t object to hearing that on a more regular basis from you.”

“Well maybe I want to take you out on a date sometime so I could.” Then he took a step back. “I- I mean-”

Rose stood up, occupying the space where Eridan had just been standing. “As if I’d protest to that.”

“Uhm- oh. W-well I, uh-”

She draped an arm across his shoulders, putting her weight on him so he stumbled. Dave shot a disapproving look towards him when Rose wasn’t looking, and he glared at him.

“You can pick me up tonight. I’m free after seven.”

He opened his mouth to talk, but nothing came out. Then he cleared his throat and stepped away from her. “Alright then. I’ll see you then.”

“Fine.”

“Good.”

“It’s a date, then.”

“Alright then.”

“Alright. I’m glad we had this talk.” In the brief moment before she turned away, Dave spotted a light pink tinge to her cheeks, and his eyes bugged behind his glasses.

Eridan spun around to face the door. “Maybe I’ll go freshen up then.”

“Oh, and Eridan-” 

He looked back over his shoulder as Rose leaned over the back of her chair. “Hmm?”

“Do try and be on time. I won’t wait for long.”

He turned back around, planting his feet. “Well maybe I’ll be there early with flowers.”

“Maybe I’ll dress up and buy us a lovely wine to enjoy over dinner.”

He raised his voice over the babble of the shop. “Well maybe I’ll get reservations at the local restaurant downtown so you don’t have to.”

“Maybe I’ll discreetly hold your hand under the table.”

Dave pretended to choke himself with a straw as Karkat pressed his hands against the wall, seemingly fighting the urge to brain himself against it.

“Well maybe I’ll give you my jacket to wear after. The weather’s probably going to get cold later.” He shot daggers at Dave and Karkat, who were both clutching their necks with their tongues out.

“Maybe I’ll tug it around my shoulders and kiss you goodnight.” 

Without missing a beat, even as the blush spread up his face, he replied, “Maybe I’ll kiss you back.”

“Maybe I’ll invite you back to my place for coffee.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, get a room!” Karkat leaned over the counter, looking as though he was about to leap over it and strangle someone. Rose started laughing again as Dave shoved him.

“Dude, that’s what she was implying!”

“It’s a saying, you nooklick!”

People began to turn and stare as their argument escalated, and Eridan crossed his arms and stared at them until they ashamedly went back to their discussions.

Rose leaned against her table. “Do you two have nothing better to do than listen in on my conversations?”

“Not really! Assbutt just broke the smoothie machine!”

“Motherfucker, please! It was like that this morning!”

“Sure.” Dave pouted and turned away.

Winking affectionately at her brother, Rose returned to her computer. “I’m sure Bro would be delighted to hear it.” 

Karkat leaped away as Dave pointed at him, almost sticking a finger in his eye. “Well it’s coming out of his paycheck, not mine.”

“Like fuck it is!”

“As much as I enjoy the ambient bickering this shop provides, I feel like I should go home and get ready for this… date.” She looked Eridan up and down once more, eyes lingering on his untied shoelaces and a coffee stain on his shirt.

“Hey, who said anything about a date?” He began to storm towards her, almost dropping his coffee cup, and she drew herself up, closing her computer deftly with one hand.

“I believe you were the one to introduce that particular concept into this afternoon’s activities.”

He stopped short, glasses almost sliding off of his nose. “Oh yeah…”

She stood, gathering her things in one arm. “I’ll see you at seven.”

Dave’s eyebrows shot up as a _slap_ rang through the shop. “G-gahh!” Eridan jumped, face flushing several shades of purple, and then a grin spread across his face and he chuckled sheepishly. The bell on the door rang as Rose left, and then Dave lowered his shades to glare at her retreating back through the window. “Dude. Don’t make a face like you’ve never had your ass slapped before.” Eridan shrugged, face still burning, and Karkat groaned audibly and flung his arms out in a gesture of resignation, almost knocking over a gallon of milk.

“Also, get the hell out of my coffee shop. You know.” He raised an eyebrow, suddenly looking uncannily like his sister. “Before you’re late for your big date tonight.”

“Uhh- yeah. Right. Okay.” Eridan made his way towards the door, looking dizzy. They heard him giggle to himself as the door closed with a friendly tinkle, and through the glass Dave thought he saw him give a little fist pump.

Karkat sighed behind him, and he turned.

“How about this new development?”

“Well…”

Dave considered.

“She could have done a lot worse.”


End file.
